Destructive Messages from Toxic People:

Circle the ones that were given to you by the covert narcissistic person in your life.

I am…

Not good enough

Overly dramatic

Overly reactive

Too sensitive

Take things too personally

Can’t take a joke

Too emotional

Angry all the time

Never happy

Demanding

Not worthy of love, 

Unlovable, unlikable

Want perfection

Have to have things my way

Have trust issues

Control freak

Can’t do anything right

Distant

A quitter

Not worthy of them

Too hard to please, too much work

Not supportive enough

Ungrateful

Never appreciative

Not desirable

Manipulative, dishonest, narcissistic, toxic

Mean, unloving, unforgiving, negative

Jealous

Ugly, fat, a slob, lazy

Don’t know how to love

Don’t know how to listen

My accomplishments are not worth celebrating.

No one else would ever want me

My needs, wants and feelings are selfish

Unable to make friends

Unable to get a job

Ignorant, can’t do anything right

Slow to forgive, hanging onto things

Vain, selfish

Unable to communicate, repetitive

Think I’m perfect

Just want the spotlight, attention-seeking, self-serving

Addicted to drama, seeking conflict

Incapable, incompetent, a screw up

Not able to do anything without them, 

Imagining things

Can’t remember anything right

Out of touch with reality

Add any additional messages here:

Messages from your childhood:

Go back through that same list. In a different color, circle the messages that you received from your caregivers or other significant people in your life.

Are there correlations between the messages from your past and messages you are receiving in your present?

Messages You Tell Yourself:

Go back through the list one more time. In a different color, circle the ones that you tell yourself or ones that you are afraid might be true. Be honest with yourself, and not judgmental. Give yourself permission to be completely safe within. This safety is crucial to your own healing.

Are there any correlations between the messages from your past and present and those that you are battling within yourself?

Breaking the Cycle:

Messages from your past became messages of your present and can easily continue as messages of your future. It is time to break this cycle. Use the space below to re-write these messages.

- If your message is “I'm too sensitive,” re-write that to:

I AM sensitive, and it is a strength within me. My sensitivity allows me to be compassionate and caring for others. I'm not afraid of it, and I'm not ashamed of it.

- If your message is “I'm too angry,” re-write that to:

I experience anger when things are not right in this world. My anger shows me injustices that are happening. My anger allowed me to see the abuse that I was experiencing. My anger motivates me to make changes. It is a useful emotion that I give permission to talk with me.

- If your message is “I'm not supportive enough of them,” re-write that to:

I have supported them in many ways. It is not my job to provide the complete support to them that they cannot provide to themselves. It is not possible to fill that hole within someone who cannot emotionally and psychologically support themselves.

Re-write your destructive messages into positive ones.